hurch and Family - What is the Priority?

By David W Hall

What should the relationship be between the church and the families within it?  How much input, if any, should leaders in the church have directly into families? 

The sacred ground of marriage

Jesus gives us a very clear word on the sacredness of a marriage.  He said, ‘a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.  So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.” (Mat 19:4)
This is a very clear statement!  There is a ‘holy ground’ belonging to every marriage that must be respected by all.  No one outside the marriage should intrude upon that ground – regardless of their extended family connections or religious standing. 
The principle of a ‘holy ground’ also applies to the family unit.  When Joshua stood to lead Israel into the Promised Land he said, ‘choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve …. But as for me and my house, we will serve the LORD’.  (Josh 24:15)  Accountability for serving and following the Lord was laid squarely at the feet of each family in the nation.  Joshua did not presume to control their responses.  However, he did supply the purpose and direction to which they could all be joined as one nation in submission under one captain.

Two orders

There are two orders of relationship that are connected yet distinct from each other.  These two orders are the family and the church.  Speaking of the family, the apostle Paul, said, ‘the head of every man is Christ, the head of woman is man, and the head of Christ is God. (1 Cor 11:3)   On the topic of the church, Paul said, ‘Christ is head of the church; and He is the Saviour of the body’. (Eph 5:23) 

God the Father, through Christ, should be the ultimate head of every family.  He provides the identity, place and destiny for each member of the family.  The church, on the other hand, has Christ as its Head, and He (through the Holy Spirit) directs its entire administration. The church or its leaders exercise no authority within families, nor do families exert authority over the church. 

However, in clarifying the distinction between family and church, let us also stress that there is a vital meeting point of family and church.  Both are mutually dependent in various ways.  When Jesus sent out His disciples to preach the gospel He instructed them to find ‘worthy households’.  (Mat 10:13)  God’s messengers in the church have much to say to ‘worthy houses’, in both bringing the seed of the gospel and in nurturing it forward into full fruit.  Each individual, each family and local group of families is like a lamp on the lampstand of the church.  The light and life in each order is manifested in the other.  The church could be described as the family of families, yet the family is not the church, nor is the church the family.  The lines of distinction must be understood.

In Israel of old there were four orders of authority.  They were the prophets, priesthood, kingship and the fathers  (represented by the symbol of a man, an ox, a lion and an eagle respectively.)  By means of these orders, the word of the Lord came to God’s people and they were governed under God.  Looking at just two of these orders we note that the priesthood operated from the temple while the fathers functioned in their households.  The homes and family farms were the source of sacrificial offerings, but the temple was the only place they could be offered.  Neither could function apart from the other.  So it is today. Families who maintain an insular or independent stance are as far from God’s order as church structures which are patriarchal and controlling.

The lessons here are simple.  There is an order of authority in both the family and the church through which  the life of God is ministered, nurtured and protected.  Let us understand and value the interplay between these two orders of relationship