Family Matters - Fostering Community

By Sue Falk

Parents often wonder why their teenagers and young adults leave the church. Having faithfully brought up their children in the ways of the Lord, parents can feel powerless to stop them leaving between the ages of 16 to 18. This is the time when many life changing decisions are made by young people. It is the age when many of us came into the church, and when many of our children leave.

It has been my experience and my observation, that it is the relational net that holds young people. It is interesting to note that Jesus used the analogy of the fishermen’s net as the means of attracting converts. Matt 4:19. When children reach late adolescence, they need to be converted even if they have been raised in a Christian family. There must be an individual and accountable decision to follow Christ.
It is easier for young people to make that decision if they feel connected in the church. In his letter to the Ephesians, Paul referred to the church as a body which is joined and knit together.

Eph 4:16. It is clear that we cannot survive alone as Christians. We all need to play our part in maintaining the relational net. We need to demonstrate that we can be robust in our relationships. Although we have all felt slighted or dismissed at times, we cannot allow relational breaches to drive a wedge between us. This will alienate our children. People leave the church when they become disaffected or disconnected. For the sake of our young people, we need to forgive and foster relationship.

I learnt very early as an eighteen year old, that fellowship is found in offering – that is in giving myself to God and to others.  I learnt that  offering begins with regular attendance at church. As a young Christian, I needed to meet and be met by the community of believers. We read in the book of Hebrews that we should not forsake the gathering of ourselves together. Heb 10:25. A young person must be mentored.  Then gifts and graces can be identified and the young person is invited to offer them in the church. People of different ages can provide modeling and training in this area.

Of course late adolescence is also the age when our children begin to see through us. If they observe any discrepancies between what we say and what we do as Christians they will rightly shout, ‘Hypocrite’!  We are also communicating the family’s priorities in every decision we make and in every action we take.

If we continually acquiesce to the demands of extended family, school teachers, coaches or work colleagues, or if we consistently forsake Christian fellowship in favour of other activities, we are communicating to our children that those activities are more important than the church. We should not be surprised when the children’s priorities reflect those values.

How do we keep our young people? From the youngest years, the church must become our children’s community and not just a place to go on Sunday.