I Was a Teenager Once!

By David Hall

I was a teenager once - a scary thought now that I am in my mid sixties.  It seems like it took forever to get from kindergarten to high school, but only five minutes to get from high school to pension age.  What happened?!  Where did all the time go?   What did I want out of my life when I was young?  (I was not the forward planning type so I’m not sure I knew.) 
What did I want as a teenager?  Now that is a different question.  I wanted lots of things, most of which were tied to my immaturities.  What did I need?  I only knew a little of what I needed, and now that I am older, it is clearer what I actually wanted then (though I may not have been aware of it at the time).

The perfect parents have not been born yet, and fortunately for me, mine gave me so much despite their gaps.  Are we, as parents, fully aware of what our young people need?  Maybe some of these thoughts will help.

My parents

I needed a model of fatherhood that reflected the fatherhood of God.  Sure, I needed someone to set boundaries and train me in obedience. But I also needed the fellowship of parents to teach and encourage me in the value of self-regulation, self-discipline and stewardship, and give me the space and encouragement to learn.  I needed them to show confidence in my commitment and give me the dignity of effort.

I needed to know that my parents were not just nagging, demanding ogres despite their clear lines of behaviour and discipline .  They were capable of a special kind of friendship and fun that was utterly different from mates my own age – and there need not be any conflict between the two.

Growing in self esteem

It was vital to understand that the life of God is not about doing the list of  right things, resisting the list of wrong things, and then measuring my worth by the score.  I needed to know I was planned by God and loved by Him before I was ever aware of right or wrong, and that simply being who He made me to be was the most vital thing for me. 

I needed to realize that life was not about avoiding punishment and winning approval.  The teen years were for training and preparation for living a life free from fear and the tyranny of self-pleasing.  It was about becoming the real ‘me’ as God designed me to be.  Living, giving and loving in the context of fellowship He prepared was paramount.

It was essential that I be taught that mistakes were part of the way we learn, and that a perfect performance is not the goal of life, and that failure is not the end.

Preparation of a son of God

I wanted to hear a word that I was created to be a son of God, and that anything else was a bad fit.  I needed a word to contradict my own self-deprecating thoughts and assessments.  I wanted to know that I was loved, and could love others.

I needed to know that there was a path for me to walk, and that I could discover it, and set myself to reach the heights of what God had set before me - not just float from one event to the next. 

I was not as aware as I should have been that preparation for the future was vital and that time wasted in this short life is time lost.  Talents and capacities were to be maximized, not tucked into my kit bag, half done, for a later date. 

My place in the church

I needed  to know that church was NOT like Noah’s ark, and that if I simply got on board, I would be carried safely through life to an ultimate heaven.  It was important to understand that I had an accountability to establish and maintain my own relationship with God, and that God wanted to know me personally.  I needed to learn how to pray and foster an interest in the Word of God.

It was equally important for me to know that I had a special place in the Body of Christ that only I could fill.  This place brought with it the responsibility to actually fill it out.  In the fellowship within the Body of Christ are all the elements to enable me to grow to maturity and to be cleansed from sin.

My sexuality

I needed to know that God made girls, and that being attracted to them was normal, and that there was a healthy way to approach this matter.  I needed my father to talk to me of such things and help me to understand what was going on inside me and how to deal with it positively.  I needed reassurance as well as some simple strategies for dealing with these matters that seemed so embarrassing.  I did NOT need silence on the subject, nor the ignorance that fueled an overwhelming guilt which made me ashamed to ask.  I needed someone who had been there before me to open up the topic and normalize things for me.

I needed to know that gratification of selfish desires was at the cost of self esteem and relationship with others. There was a better approach to living. 

My own relationship with God

Most of all, I needed to know my own relationship with God and the power and joy of His life working in me.