What is my Definition?

By Lorinda Hall

Where do I fit? What defines me as a person? Who am I in relation to the world, to my friends and peers, or to my parents? Who or what will I allow to shape who I am and determine my identity? It seems that whatever our age, there is always something within us that is preoccupied with definition.

The culture of the world today teaches us that we alone should define who we are or what we do. We are taught that to be ‘master of one’s own destiny’ is essential for freedom and happiness.

Independence - Freedom or a fight?

Independence is considered a very desirable quality in today’s generation. But independence comes at a cost. We must fight to gain independence, and then, once we have obtained it, we must fight to keep it! This mindset leads us to become obsessed with ‘protecting our rights’, and fighting to keep things ‘fair’ and ‘just’. We become fearful that if someone else appears to be dictating who we should be or what we should do, then somehow we are losing our sense of identity. Life becomes a battle of survival.

The trouble with the independent approach is that it is unreal. We do not live in isolation. We live in a community. What happens when my independence conflicts with yours? Is this not the basis for wars – wars between nations and wars between family members, friends, neighbours or work colleagues?

Controlling our environment - parallel living

Where we are always looking to protect our own interests, the best we can hope for is some kind of negotiated ‘peace treaty’. We trade with one another in order to find an agreed middle ground. ‘I will do this, and concede here, so long as you do that and concede there’.

On the other hand, we may choose to surround ourselves only with people whose agendas do not interfere or conflict with our own. We limit ourselves to people who do not pose a threat, nor do they upset the expectations we have for life. We seek people who make us feel good and affirm our agendas. In return, we may do the same for them.

A Relational Image

None of these scenarios actually fit what God had in mind for us when He designed and created us. When God created the first man, Adam, the members of the Trinity said, ‘let Us make mankind in Our image’. They were not referring to a physical image – eyes, nose, mouth, etc. They were discussing a relational image. The Trinity is our model of perfect relationship. They wanted us to grow, mature, and be perfectly connected relationally just as They were. We were not made to exist in a pseudo unity where each walks his own path, parallel to others, being careful not to bump another. We are designed to walk together, connected and enmeshed. Peace and true relational connection is found when we allow God to define us. After all, He is the One who designed and created us in the first place.

Each of us has been specifically designed to fit into a particular relational context, amongst specific people who are also seeking to be joined to God and His people. The Bible describes this relationship as the ‘body of Christ’. The analogy of a ‘body’ illustrates so much. For every part to live and function properly, it must be perfectly joined to the parts surrounding it. Life and nutrients are supplied to each part by the blood which flows throughout, while every member is connected by nerves to the brain which issues instructions on how to function. Each part and cell is totally unique and plays an important role which none other can play.

The point here is that our definition is related to where we fit in Christ’s body. Consider the palm of a hand. On its own, disconnected from its context, the palm of a hand would be an odd and useless object - just a pink, flesh coloured, shapeless blob. However, put it in the context of a hand with fingers and a wrist, and there it makes sense. It has a purpose.

It is the same for us. When we come back to our Creator and allow Him to place us back into the context He designed for us, we make perfect sense.