A Question Of Identity

By Jenny Gale

I was struck recently by an ad on the television that said, ‘life is full of questions’. I thought to myself, ‘this is so true’. From the minute we are born our parents, extended family and friends question, ‘who will this child be?’ and ‘what will they be like?’ Then when we are old enough we, too, ask ‘who am I?’ and ‘who will I be?’ We begin the quest to find identity and where we belong in life.

I often think that I have asked more questions in life than others. As a small baby I was put up for adoption, as my birth parents felt unable to take on the responsibility of a baby at that time in their life. So I was adopted into a new family. A family that loved and cared for me deeply. A new life had begun for me.

I remember having a lovely book called, ‘Why was I adopted?’ It gave many good insights and certainly helped me understand, on a superficial level, what being adopted was all about. I had a happy childhood and have a wonderful relationship with my adoptive parents.

But still I had many unanswered questions. I felt a gap existed deep within me that I could not fill. I lacked a true sense of belonging and settledness in who I was. I have gone through life sometimes unaware of these things, but at other times they have been ever before me, not to be shaken away easily. Unfortunately, I do not have one of those fairytale stories that you see on TV of a great uniting of parent and child – a joyful reunion was not to be for me. This left me with many unanswered questions and a residual feeling of rejection that is common for an adopted person to feel.

There was an answer for me. I gave my life seriously to Jesus Christ in my early 20s. This has been, and is, the pathway for me to find out who I am – my true identity. The main thing I have learnt is that I can never find answers to the question of who I am in my own striving and understanding. I have a name and a place that has been predestined by my Heavenly Father for me. It goes far beyond that which is simply earthly. It is here that I am finding a place to belong, and a life to live. I have held dear a scripture found in Psalms in the Bible. ‘… I am fearfully and wonderfully made … My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place … Your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in Your book before one of them came to be.’ Ps 139:14-16.
As I continue on in life, I still have the thought that I wish maybe things had been different. But now I can know that my life has been, and is, held in the hands of my Heavenly Father. There is no other place I would rather be found.