My Ideas Of Good

By Janelle Hill

I love watching my children grow and develop – seeing them achieve new things and grow up to be a ‘person.’ My three year old is at the ‘I do it’ stage, which as many parents know, is an exciting and frustrating time. It is great to see them blossom into independence – able to put on their own shoes, choose their own pyjamas, manage the ‘big slide’ at the playground – but sometimes it is just plain frustrating. Trying to rush out the door while they get ready by themselves, or cleaning up the mess they made while ‘helping’ is part of being an ‘I-do-it-parent.’

I was thinking about this in relation to my own walk with God. There are many times when I say to God ‘No! I do it!’ I want to ‘do’ parenting by myself, be good by myself, be a successful worker, friend and Christian by myself. There is something in me that wants to be measured as good and worthwhile. Of course, I am not alone in this. The theme of ‘there is good in everybody if we look hard enough’ resounds throughout Hollywood, the world and even Christendom.

My own experience is that I always run out of energy attempting to be and do good. In fact, trying hard to do the right thing leaves me feeling drained, frustrated, anxious and often very, very angry (especially if someone questions my ‘good’ choices).

I remember dwelling on this one day and I imagined myself standing at the foot of the cross while Jesus hung there dying for my sin. I could see myself calling out to Him ‘not yet Lord! You can’t die for me now, I’m not good enough yet.’ How often I want to be worthy of Him on my own merit and to find something of value and worth in me. But the Bible says that we are ‘dead in our sin’. (Col 2:13) In the Psalms, David says of humankind ‘there is none who does good’. (Psalm 14:1) No wonder I run out of energy when I try to be good – I am dead, unable to be or do good.

Despite all of this, my testimony is that the Lord is faithful. The scripture says that ‘while we were without strength, Christ died for us’ (Rom 5:6). What a relief! Jesus isn’t waiting for me to be good enough or strong enough. He is waiting for me to fall on His mercy. His wisdom, strength, refreshing, and healing have come to my life as I have let Him lead me instead of pursuing my own rightness and my own achievement. The ‘good’ or ‘bad’ choice is no longer the issue. Rather I want to know what the Lord has already determined for me to do. The book of Ephesians describes this beautifully. ‘We are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them’ (2:10).